Early Morning Revelation

Its early 4:30 AM in the morning and I was sitting on my bed. The sound of barking dogs over the corner of the street is so loud that I wanted to go out and throw stones at them. But I didn’t, I have been used to it for 5 years.

“Am I really living?” I asked myself at these early hours. I am sad, I am depressed, I am directionless. Even after all these increments, promotions and bonuses, why my life feels empty? Why it is utterly boring and purposeless?

My whole life reeled before my eyes. I remember the days I were going to classes feeling I have no good outfits that the other guys are having. I remembered clearly how I had to bear ridiculous, sadistic behaviors of some of our famous lecturers. I remembered how I felt meaningless about this rat race called education- being top in the class. But there was a blink of hope.

A faint hope that I can have real freedom and joy once I get my job and earn my own money. That I can enjoy the life of no more surrendering to people whom I hate and never wanted to see again. That I will have opportunities to grow.

Wait…. Did I say HOPE?

Sitting on my bed at these early hours, I realize that, that piece of small hope is missing for ever. The Bangalore city life – breathing dust, ever present traffic jams, sounds, over population, growing living costs and lowering living standards, scorching heat had forced that hope out of my life. I had been constantly fighting for my rights, fighting for my dignity, fighting for my personal freedom.

I lost my health, I have no rest, I have no peace. But still I am running after things to achieve believing someday I will live my dream life by achieving these goals and then, only then, I can be really happy. I set many of these “I will be happy once I achieve them” goals, achieved them and still the happiness is eluding me over the corner of the next achievement.

I do have happiness when I get something, when I achieve or posses something. But with time this happiness fades away as soon as the reason for it diminishes. And then my devil mind comes up with another exotic goal to get this missing happiness. By this time I understood the link b/n reason and happiness should be baseless, unreliable and not worthy of pursuing. Yet I am doing the same things again and again and hoping to get different results- happiness that stays with me forever. There is a word for such actions – insanity. But I am secure in the company of like minded people.

“Why can’t I be happy for no reason?” I confronted my own beliefs. Why should I have a reason, an accomplishment or possessing something to be happy? Why can’t I experience happiness without a reason? Yes, I can. I can be just happy for happiness sake. I don’t need to go after something and achieve it to be happy. Happiness doesn’t need any justification. It is acausal. Any time I can tune into that vibration and feel happy for no reason. I need not chase goals to get this. As this happiness has no reason it doesn’t go away.

Bingo…a revelation. These early hours of the morning are turning point for my life. I decided to be happy for no reason.

Be Happy For No Reason :-)